#4 Reframing a "Not Good Enough" Mindset

"I'm not good enough"

It's a phrase we have all said at points in our lives & it can be quite destructive to our headspace. Today, my goal is to address how to reframe this statement in order to feel more adequate mentally.

First, what exactly are you not good enough at? Try to be specific.

When I ask myself this question, here are my responses: smart enough, have enough money, am doing enough within my professional career, compared to other male competition in Denver, & interesting enough.

In my brain, all are thoughts that in the moment seem valid but it's important to understand that not all our thoughts are true.

I'm an individual that LOVES steps or bullet points so here's how I personally tackle my limiting thoughts:

1. Acknowledge the thought (without judgement).

2. Challenge the thought - Why do I think this thought? Is this thought based on my reality?

3. Reframe the thought.

4. Practice & repeat to build resilience.

NOTE: These steps (at least for me) need to be said aloud or written out.

I'll walk through a personal example:

1. The Thought

   I am not smart enough.

2. The Challenge

   How do I define "smartness"?

   Often, I think of intelligence as relating to "book smart" which is a very limiting definition. "Smartness" can relate to a wide variety of things. It can relate to knowledge in a specific field (i.e. an individual knowing the steps to properly diet to lose weight). It can relate to emotional intelligence & how aware one is to emotions they & others experience (i.e. Being a good listener to a friend). "Street smart" is having the ability to navigate real-life situations & being resourceful when tackling obstacles along the way (i.e. Being able to read a person or a room). Finally, "smartness" doesn't mean knowing it all rather knowing where to find the information needed. So there's my definition.

   Next, is this thought based on reality?

   In terms of "book smart", I attended Purdue University a top engineering program in the nation. Despite how much (or little) I retained regarding my classes, there are invaluable skills I learned such as how to grow up on my own, how to build lasting friendships, & how to manage my time. If I'm worried about intelligence within a professional environment, I currently work on multi-million dollar capital projects that requires skills such as strong communication, sharp problem solving skills, attention to detail, & acceptance that I won't know it all but I'll know enough to be dangerous.

   In terms of emotional intelligence, I am extremely in tune with my emotions & continually try to improve how I respond to obstacles I face. I think one of my best strengths lies in my ability to listen to others & seeing things from their perspective. I am extremely attentive to my surroundings & care what others think of me, however, I understand the most important opinion of myself should be my own. I try my best to be appreciative & grateful for the hand I've been dealt in life as I am blessed with many supportive family & friends. Finally, I am empathetic & try to put others before myself.

   Finally, I am always open to learning which is a very important mindset to life as learning is a continual process. There is no end, therefore, I try my best to accept it's about enjoying the process.

3. The Reframe

   I am always learning.

   This simple reframe focuses on growth rather than judgement. Every experience is a learning opportunity to build one's knowledge & skills.

4. Practice, practice, practice

   Dependent on the thought, there is varying amounts of time spent or repetition required to rewire the brain & its neural pathways. Our mind is the single most powerful tool we each will have within our lifetimes so use it to use benefit! Set specific times to practice this exercise. Have visuals in places you spend a lot of time like your bedroom, office space, or phone lock screen. Surround yourself with individuals that support you. Continually believe you are improving & eventually your mind will agree.

Overall, reframing to a growth mindset rather than judgement is a powerful tool within life. It requires practice, consistency, & enjoyment for the process. Try the exercise I outlined & watch your progression!